A Few Pads Moments From The Other Side Of The Sexual Borderline

I lost my virginity to a Tower Records give-away calendar with a picture of a rock-n-roll babe on top.

I once had an entire box of apple juice poured into my hair, slowly so that I couldn't feel it. Everyone watched. When I realized what was happening, I pretended to laugh along at myself, as if I was one of them, and not me -- the kid who always had the dirty hair.

I was an am a lefty, so whenever I was given one of those mammoth MY BUDDY pencils, I would drag my hand behind me as I wrote - and my hand would collect all sorts of graphite residue. Then, when I would touch my desk, I would leave a smudge. Over and over. It later came to my attention that the kids would always laugh in the morning, because they could tell what desk I had been sitting at the day before. The kid with the dirty hair and the dirty hands.